Monday, January 29, 2007

Swimming, anyone?

I got this from a blog not normally known for it's humor, but this particular post had such a great story in it that I couldn't resist sharing. I've deleted the religious parallels, but if you're interested, it's from commongroundsonline.typepad.com

"My family and I just moved to Austin, and our new church welcomed us with an afternoon social in very American fashion: swimming, hot dogs, Kool-Aid, cake, kids, and John Cougar Mellencamp (okay, I made the Mellencamp part up, but you get the picture). Before the party, my loving wife, Elissa, purchased a swimsuit for me. It was blue with a design on each side in a wide stripe. According to Elissa, when the suit became wet, a floral pattern would appear in a darker hue of blue.

We went to the party, along with 150 folks from the church. It was going well—filled with the laughter of young kids and the smell of the processed, nitrate-filled, meat-like substance on the grill. After about an hour, I looked down and noticed the water-induced pattern, which you might recall was purported to be “floral”. Strangely, it resembled feet in a diving-like position. I cringed, thinking that Elissa bought me a suit with some cheesy pattern of a diver or swimmer on it. As I, standing knee-deep in the kiddie pool, surrounded by kids and parents (church members mind you), examined the swimmer/diver, I observed that he possessed proportions that resembled a she.

That’s right, my swimmer/diver was not only not male, she wasn’t a swimmer/diver, rather a woman’s silhouette. Not just any woman, but a voluptuous one in provocative positions, including the famous one on the mudflaps of many eighteen-wheelers. At the party to welcome me, the new Assistant Pastor, and my family, I wore a swimsuit covered in 9x4-inch silhouettes of naked women! What would you do in this scenario? I didn’t know either. It was like being in the Southwest Airline’s commercial that presents a really awkward situation then asks, “Wanna get away?”

What kind of world?